As parents, we embark on a remarkable journey alongside our children as they navigate the exhilarating yet challenging world of synchronized skating. Cheers of victory and shared moments of triumph are undoubtedly some of the most gratifying experiences. What about those inevitable disappointments that punctuate the journey? From an unexpected placement at a competition, falling short in a closely contested match, or missing out on Team USA status, we might witness our children grapple with athletic setbacks, stirring multitudes of emotions within us. It is in these moments our supportive parent role moves beyond the realm of the spectator; it transforms into a delicate dance of managing our own emotions while providing the unwavering support our children need.
Let’s delve into the art of handling disappointment as a synchronized skating parent, exploring constructive ways to navigate the emotional terrain. We can draw examples from throughout the sports world to help us explore how parental guidance, emphasizing resilience, learning, and positive perspectives, significantly impact an athlete’s ability to handle disappointment.
LeBron James and Gloria James: LeBron James, widely regarded as one of the greatest basketball players in history, often credits his mother, Gloria James, for providing unwavering support throughout his career. In moments of defeat or disappointment, Gloria has been known to emphasize the importance of perseverance and learning from setbacks rather than dwelling on them. Her positive and encouraging approach has contributed to his resilience and mental fortitude on and off the court.
Serena Williams and Richard Williams: Tennis legend Serena Williams has spoken openly about the impact of her father, Richard Williams, on her athletic journey. Despite facing criticism and doubts from others, Richard maintained a steadfast belief in her abilities. He instilled a focus on continuous improvement and handling loss with grace. Her ability to manage disappointments and bounce back with resilience is a testament to the supportive and constructive environment created by her father.
Tim and Nancy Kerrigan (Parents of Nancy Kerrigan): As skating enthusiasts, we remember Nancy Kerrigan faced a notorious incident in 1994 leading up to the Olympics in Lillehammer. Following the attack, her parents, Tim and Nancy Kerrigan, remained a source of strength. They were instrumental in helping Nancy navigate the emotional aftermath and supporting her comeback. The resilience they displayed as a family showcased the importance of standing together in challenging times.
I feel fortunate to have experienced many more up moments than significant disappointments in our synchronized skating journey. It has not been all rainbows and roses, though. In her early years, I will never forget when there was no spot on the roster for her. Too young for one team and too old for another, we had to choose between ending her career or finding another club to participate in. You can guess the choice we made – and we never looked back. There was the time her team was third and did not qualify for the World team, when she was named as an alternate for the big competition and watched from the boards, the year COVID canceled everything, or when we traveled overseas and were the only Team USA team not to earn a medal. I can confidently say I did not handle all these situations with the grace and care they deserved. I learned over time that she was far more resilient than I was giving her credit for, and the disappointment would pass with time. Some sting longer than others, but ultimately emotions fade and life moves on. The memories change and bear less emotional weight as the years pass by.
Managing your emotions during a disappointment in your child’s athletic journey can be challenging but is critical for maintaining a supportive and constructive environment.
Here are my top 10 strategies for parents:
- Maintain perspective: Parents must remember that synchronized skating careers are a journey – filled with ups and downs. Instead of focusing solely on the immediate disappointment, parents can remind themselves and their children that setbacks are a natural part of the learning process and contribute to our personal growth. The best advice I ever received – it’s just skating. That is hard to remember sometimes, but invaluable advice.
- Pause and reflect: Take a moment to pause and reflect on your emotions before reacting. Acknowledge your feelings and why. Self-awareness is the first step in managing and understanding your emotional response.
- Avoid immediate reactions: Avoid reacting impulsively in the heat of the moment. Allow yourself time to process the disappointment before discussing it with your child, preventing any potential negative impact of impulsive reactions on the parent-child relationship.
- Avoid the blame game: Attempting to find a scapegoat, whether other skaters, coaches or officials, serves no one. Speaking poorly of others does not change anything and damages relationships.
- Maintain a positive outlook: While disappointment is natural, try to see it as an opportunity for growth and learning. Frame the experience as a part of the broader journey rather than a definitive endpoint.
- Separate your identity from your child’s performance: Remember that their athletic performance does not reflect your identity or worth as a parent. Athletes go through highs and lows, and their performance does not define your success as a parent.
- Emphasize effort and enjoyment: Shift your focus from outcomes to the effort your child puts into their sport and the enjoyment they derive from it. Celebrate the process and the journey rather than solely concentrating on the results. This one is hard, given the money and time we invest as families, but remember that our athletes spend far more time in practice than competing. The life lessons are of far greater importance than the medals or trophies.
- Communicate effectively: Engage in open and honest communication with your child. Constructively share your emotions, emphasizing that your love and support are unwavering, regardless of the outcome. Encourage your child to express their feelings as well.
- Encourage independence: Allow your child some autonomy in their athletic pursuits. While your support is invaluable, children must take ownership of their synchronized skating journey. Encouraging independence fosters a sense of responsibility and resilience.
- Practice empathy: Put yourself in your child’s shoes. Understand their disappointment and avoid projecting your unmet expectations onto them. Have empathy and show support, emphasizing that setbacks are a natural part of any sport.
Bonus thoughts:
Take care of yourself: Ensure that you prioritize self-care. Engage in activities that bring you joy. Just like your skater, this sport should not be your only focus. Taking care of your well-being enables you to be a more stable and supportive presence for your child.
Learn from the experience: We all make mistakes and react in the moment. It’s a part of being human. Reflect on your reaction and consider how you can adapt your approach to better support your child’s emotional needs in the future.
If I could do it, so can you. Select two strategies you plan to implement the next time a synchronized skating disappointment happens. By implementing just one, you can help us all create the supportive environment our skaters and their teams need to thrive.
“The size of your success is measured by the strength of your desire; the size of your dream; and how you handle disappointment along the way.” ~ Robert Kiyosaki
in synch mom 